My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
