You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
