saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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