I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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