U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
