you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
