Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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