I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
