Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
