I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
