I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
