She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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