Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
