I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize