I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
