theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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