so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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