Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize