is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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