Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
