Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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