sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
