I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
