My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize