Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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