im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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