And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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