the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize