Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
