Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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