I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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