you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
