I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My life is pants optional.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
