omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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