I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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