I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
