Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize