I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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