My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
