It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
