Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
