College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Shame - the story of my life.
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