Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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