oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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