Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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