i just had sex bonerless
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
