She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize