i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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