as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
