i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
