Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
