So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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