i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
