thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize