I hope mine doesn't look like that
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
