So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I smell stomach acid.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
