I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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