On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize