she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
