well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think people are normalizing furries
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
