i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
