if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize