Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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