Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Randomize
