The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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