I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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