Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
