she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
