I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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